I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
