the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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