Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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