and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
