hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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