Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
