Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
