He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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