I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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