what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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