Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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