Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
