I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
