Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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