I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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