I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
