i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
