Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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