it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
