I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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