I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
