I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i love accidental penises.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
