It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
