I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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