One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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