I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
