I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
