How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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