We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
