When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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