I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize