highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
