Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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