Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
