Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
