You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
