i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
