Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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