party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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