took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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