just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
