between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
