i think i have herpe
just one?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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