If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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