Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
