I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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