is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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