also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I would ride that face into the sunset
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
