a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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