i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
