There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
