Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
