"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
