I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize