Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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