Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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