Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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