U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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