True but thats because hes a fetus.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
