we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
