Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
