it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
