I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
