I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
