I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
